So much has changed...

  I logged back in to this long-lost blog and found that the last entry I made I'd never published...so I did.  It was from December, 2016!  Wow, how time has passed and life has changed.  So the update:

  In early 2017 I applied for a job in Montrose, Colorado with Rocky Mtn. Health Plans as a care coordinator, helping Medicaid members identify needs and helping to connect them with resources.  It sounded like it would be a good fit for my gifts and interests, paid well, and it would get us back to CO.  We moved back in March, 2017 from NC and I started my new position the end of that month.  I worked at home and drove a lot throughout Montrose and Delta counties mainly, visiting Rocky Medicaid members and helping them.  It was good work and I enjoyed it - although it was definitely a different schedule than what I was used to.  It was a treat, I admit, to have weekends off once again!  We attended First Presbyterian in Montrose and began hosting a bible study in our home that fall.  We made some amazing friends, and that group was just wonderful.  We did a couple different studies - The Jesus Life was my favorite.  Such a good book.

In the summer of 2018 we started looking for a house to buy and even had a contract on one when I was approached by two different people encouraging me to apply to for two different jobs.  One was in GJ with Charis/The House and the other was for a different position within Rocky working on a federal grant project.  It was surprising since I hadn't really been looking for another job, but knowing how God works, we paid attention to things and prayed a lot about if I was supposed to apply for these positions.

Well, the contract on the house fell through so I applied for both positions.  I interviewed for both, and ended up being hired for the Rocky position.  As it turned out I could really live anywhere so we decided to take the opportunity and move from Montrose back to Grand Jct..  We found a small house with an awesome yard and outdoor space and bought it and moved in August, 2018.  I started my new job that same month.  It was a steep learning curve, once again, to learn all about social determinants of health (SDoHs) - things like housing, food scarcity, transportation, utilities, safety and social isolation and how our project would recruit clinics to screen people for these SDoHs, refer them to care coordination to help connect them to resources, deal with all the data we'd be getting, and all the logistics that go along with all of that.  I've become much better at Excel (which isn't saying much), know a lot more about what drives overall health, have made some wonderful friends in my new work colleagues, and I now even supervise four people.  It's been a crazy ride.

Before anyone had even heard of a pandemic our lives started changing and our world was becoming much smaller.  In January, 2019 we noticed that Kim's speech would occasionally slur and he was losing his balance a lot more often.  The fall of 2018 he had been hospitalized for what looked to be colitis.  His stomach issues had worsened over that summer and he had lost close to thirty pounds (which he really couldn't afford to lose).  Something was going on.

The spring of 2019 he wasn't getting any better and the neurologist in GJ referred him to the Neurology Clinic at UCHealth in Denver for testing.  He had a spinal tap done, which ruled out a number of scary things like ALS, MS and Parkinson's disease, and when we went back a second time they zeroed in more on what is called Spinocerebellar Ataxia.  Ataxia is a word for both a disorder and symptoms like what a drunk person has - slurred speech and imbalance and not always clear thinking.  For Kim these symptoms were caused by something triggered in his cerebellum.  We have since learned it is more than likely genetic (sadly, his sister has been have similar symptoms as well) and it is progressive, so we should expect it to worsen over time.  (That has proven to be true.)

During this same time, March 10th to be exact, I had a very close call driving home from church and almost hit a man on a bicycle crossing the street as I was turning on to it.  I never saw him.  The Bullseye Macular Degeneration that I was diagnosed with continued to worsen to the point that it was unsafe to drive.  So I made the difficult decision to stop driving that day.  It was the beginning of a long, dark road for me that I'm only now beginning to come out of and will write more about later.

As time went on our son Sean and daughter in law Megan suggested that maybe we should consider living closer to them (we only lived about five minutes away), but they were offering to tear down their garage and build a small house in its place where we could live and be close and easy to help.  We dove into the project in late fall of 2019, started demo on the garage the end of January, 2020, and we moved in Easter weekend (April 11, 2020)!  It went SO fast!

So we are in our little 780 square foot one bedroom, beautiful house behind Sean and Megan's house - literally ten steps from their back door - and we love it.  Unfortunately, the week after we moved in Kim fell out front on the driveway and broke his femur.  He was in the hospital for a few days and it cemented the fact that he really needed to use his walker all the time, and he has ever since.

We are so thankful to be where we are - not only for Sean and Megan's help, but our good friends Karen and Dave Jensen and so many others who reach out regularly to help, to offer a meal or a ride.  It's amazing.

There's so much more to share, but at least this brings everything up-to-date and I can begin again, hopefully sharing more about how God has drawn me back into his presence and the many ways I see  God's presence and love and guidance as we live out this new normal now, additionally, in the midst of a pandemic along with everything else.  I hope you'll come along for the ride and be encouraged.  Thanks for reading.

It's the Holiday Season!

  It has been a whirlwind month or so as I (Sal) flew down to Florida for Thanksgiving and got to hang out with the family down there (Lee & Ron; Sam, Chris & their boys; Alex, Brit & Blake; Mom & Dad, Charlie & Ekat, Emily & Savannah) while Kim stayed home studying for finals that he'd be taking the week after.  So I went, and had an amazing time - and Kim stayed home and took all his finals and passed all his classes and graduated from Fayetteville State University last weekend!  Woo hoo!

  It's been a long haul for Kim - really over the last thirty or so years as he attended classes on and off - some at Metro State in Denver, some at Arapahoe Community College, some at Mesa State (Colorado Mesa University), some at Campbell University, and the rest at FSU.  What a testimony of perseverance and hard work.  We're really proud of him, and the kids were so excited for him that Sarah and Sean, along with Rocco and Rilo surprised Kim by flying out for the weekend to attend his graduation and celebrate with us.  It was AWESOME!  (AND he was totally surprised!)

  The church hosted a small party for Kim that afternoon and so we had a great time celebrating Kim, showing off our grandsons and kids, and spending time with great friends who would take time to acknowledge and celebrate Kim's accomplishment.

Our Listening God

  I've been reminded again recently about how involved God is in our everyday lives.  This last Sunday I shared with the congregation at Sardis how one of our parishioners, Marion, had shared with me a couple of weeks ago how God had helped her.  

  Marion had those knots in her stomach.  You know the kind - when your anxiety is about as high as it can go and you're starting to shut down when you really can't afford to be shutting down?  She had a big list, lots of things to prepare and all sorts of relatives arriving soon to join in the festivities for the church's 200th anniversary celebration.  Her anxiety had gotten to the point where she couldn't stand it any longer (one of those "Popeye moments," right?  "That's all I can stands, I can't stands no more!"), and she sat down and prayed to God - pleading with Him to take the stress, take the anxiety, and let her function and do her work in His peace.   As Marion told me the story tears filled her eyes and she said, "Sally, no sooner had I prayed for God to take that anxiety...and it was gone, just like that!"  It was so very obvious that God had made an appearance in her life and helped her in her time of need - it brought tears to my eyes as well.

  Now fast forward another week.  The celebration was a huge success, you'd think life would've calmed down - but for me it was still going 1000 miles an hour.  I still had two big commitments with  the presbytery that were weighing heavily on me and I found myself in the exact same spot Marion had been the week prior.  I was so overwhelmed with how big my list was and how much I had to do that I was near tears and could hardly function (kind of that "deer in the headlights" place).  As I shared this too with the congregation, I wondered aloud, "Why is it that we have to be so totally at the end of our rope before we'll seriously hand things over to God and be willing to receive His help?"  I don't have the answer, but that's where I was at.

  I sat in my study with my hands outstretched pleading for God to take away the knot that had made its way into my gut.  Take it away so I could get to sleep at a decent hour and wake up at a normal one.  Not surprisingly, just like Marion it was instantaneously gone.

  Over and over God has shown me in my life that He hears and answers prayers - and usually they're answered in the most extraordinary ways!  I have absolutely no reason for waiting until things get so bad - and it's not that I don't pray, or that I even didn't pray about the things on my to do list.  I just didn't seriously give them over or expect any kind of huge answer.  What the heck?!

  Today I just happened to decide to listen to a sermon by a Colorado pastor who preached about

prayer.  He talked about how prayer is a Christ-follower's go-to answer to everything that goes on in our lives and in our churches.  Somehow we think that working harder or talking more or giving a good argument are somehow better, but time and again God keeps showing me how when I give things to Him in prayer - He works things through SO much better than I ever could or would.

  I've shared with a few folks how I have programmed into my phone on my reminders, two prayer alerts.  The first is at 10:02am - that reminds me every day of Luke 10:2, and so I pray daily for God to send out workers into His harvest - because it's plentiful and we always need more.  I pray also right then for my church.  Then at noon I get another alert to pray for my elders.  I try to pray for each one and their spouse individually, but sometimes it's just a blanket prayer.  I share that because I can literally tell when I have slacked off on my praying, especially for my elders.  When I've allowed myself to be so busy that I can't even take 10-15 minutes to stop and pray for my elders I can see it in my relationships with them.  

  Prayer is such a gift when we do it.  When we ask God with a heart believing that He is not only listening, but that He will answer our prayers in the perfect way and at the perfect time - conforming our hearts to His, conforming our wills to His.  We have no reason to carry anxiety when we approach God and give Him our junk in prayer.  What freedom it gives us to continue on in life without worry.  We don't have to run away from the tough stuff, we don't have to hide in fear.  We don't have to buck up and be superman or wonder woman either.  God hears our prayers, knows our hearts, and will lift our burdens as we give them to Him to carry.

  One of my favorite verses comes from Deuteronomy 31:8 -

The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

  I'm so thankful that God continues to show His power and activity in my life, and what a privilege I have of sharing it with others who will hear and be encouraged in their own faith as well.  Can't wait to see what's next. :)

~Sally

It is well with my soul.

   Surgery day.  I talked with Kim this morning and he sounded extraordinarily strong and confident.  Thank You, Jesus.  I had a text around 8am that Sean had just landed in Charlotte.  Last night his connecting flight was late due to weather and he missed his flight to Raleigh so they rebooked him three hours later to Charlotte.  But he's landed and he's here.  Thank You, Jesus.
   I was just reading on WebMD about holes in lungs and trying to more fully understand and visualize what exactly we're dealing with.  Of course they list every (not-so-bad and really horrible) possibility and so it's easy for my mind to take off down rabbit trails of scary possibilities for Kim…  Nada reminded me this morning that we can be thankful that, if there is something that the docs need to find they will, and if nothing else that his lung collapsed now instead of some other time when he wasn't right around all this medical help.  Thank You, Jesus.
   I've been listening a lot to the song It is Well that Kristene DeMarco and Bethel Music sing - a new version of It is Well With My Soul.  It's a beautiful song and takes me to such a place of submission and humility and worship…  I found myself sitting here at the kitchen table in the quiet of this place and the music playing….my hands go out with palms up.

   "Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You.  Through it all, through it all, it is well.
     Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You, and it is well, it is well…
     So let it go my soul and trust in Him, the waves and wind still know His name…
     So let it go my soul and trust in Him, the waves and wind still know His name…
     It is well…. with my soul.   It is well…. with my soul.  
     It is well…. with my soul.   It is well…. with my soul."

   As I sit here listening with my palms open to the Lord I think of how this posture is such a good way to live - giving up and receiving both.  Not even always knowing what I'm to give up, but simply sitting here, arms outstretched asking God to take what I should not be holding on to.  At the same time asking God to give me all that I need to face what I will face this day or any day…but I know that God usually deals simply with today.  (I think there's something to learn in that..)
   It's hard to be in that posture with those prayers going on in your heart and mind and not be weeping like a lost child whose just been found.  Because it's not that you're scared necessarily, it's that you're held, you're safe, and you know it…no matter what.  It's relief! 
   When the trust is there we can believe that God will take those things we don't need to hold on to, and He will provide all we need to cope, to function, and even to thrive and excel in whatever we're dealing with.  What an amazing God we have.  How I wish that more people could know the God I know.  There is such peace.  That wholeness, that the Hebrew word "shalom," peace really means.  Wholeness  that we can't reach by our own efforts.
   Thank You, Jesus.  It is well with my soul this day, no matter what comes.  Thanks be to God.

~Sally

It is Well

Well, it's Sunday and we're not at church...

   So this morning was exciting because Sarah arrived last night and so we tried to figure out the best scenario to surprise Kim with her presence.  We picked up a breakfast sandwich at Hardees along with a coffee for Kim and went up to His room.  When we got here I went in the room and gave him his food and then Sarah Facetimed me on the phone and I had her talk with Kim.  She talked about wishing that she was here with him, and then she walked in the door!  Kim had just taken a bite of food and was like, "Oh, my God!" He was truly shocked…and then overcome.

   After we were here a bit the nurse-practitioner from the thoracic surgeon's office came in to have Kim sign paperwork for permission to operate tomorrow.  They are hoping that all they'll need to do is go in and do some minor work through a small hole.  They'll be assisted by a small camera they'll put in as well, and they're looking for the few places where there are "pockets" where his lung is still a little collapsed - like little folds. They would cut those out to help the outside of the lung seal against the inside of the chest wall fully.  They'll also look for the hole to see what's going on with it.

   She said, like always, if they find they need to do more or do something more invasive it may mean a larger incision and a bigger deal overall.  Their hope is that they can just do what needs to be done with the smaller incision and minor work, and then they'll have an additional chest tube in to help get the lung inflated fully.  She said it would then be around 2-3 days recovery and maybe he could go home Thursday or Friday - that's if they do the minor not major procedures.

   So our prayer is that they can do what needs to be done just doing the minor procedure….

   In our chatting we were just talking about "thin places" - Kim, Sarah and me.  Kim was talking geographically about how the next volcano will more than likely be formed in Yellowstone because of the activity already there and the "thin place" that it is - there isn't much between the surface and the turmoil below.  Then we were talking about the "thin places" in Kim's lungs, presumably "thinned" by years of smoking, that seem to have "broken through" because of their thinness.  

   So I then talked about how I've read of "thin places" theologically.  Those times in our lives when the sh%# hits the fan, life is way out of control, and we find ourselves dealing with God in ways that we previously hadn't.  There was a meme on Facebook today that kind of grasps the idea…  It talked about people that we admire for their strength and grace - they didn't get that way because life went perfectly. They got that way because life hit them upside the head and they had to learn how to handle it in a thousand different ways.  You get the idea.  The unexpected crap in our lives, the hard things, the difficult relationships that we try to wade through provide opportunities of "thin places" where God is so very very close if we but reach out to Him, look His direction, or invite Him to play a part in our lives.  Or maybe it's allowing yourself to receive instead of always playing the stoic, letting people come and minister to you, taking time to step back and chill a bit and not have to pretend that life is fine and you can handle everything without missing a beat.

   Sarah talked about those "thin places" being times when we're our most vulnerable - the masks are gone, the buffers have been stripped away, and the real you is exposed to God and everyone else…  It can be very scary for many people.

   I find myself, in "thin" times like this, asking myself, "What is God wanting to teach me or say to me?"  It may have nothing to do with me and everything to do with Kim and his relationship with the Lord, but I'm guessing God will use this time for both of us - if not many of us…  

   "Thin places."  The place or time where the membrane between the world we live in and the Kingdom of God are ever-so-close.  It seems like we would long to be in that place all the time, but more often than not we're overwhelmed by it.  Maybe if we "let go" sooner instead of hanging on so tightly it wouldn't be so hard.

   So pray for God to do a work in each of us as we hang out in this "thin place" for awhile.   Another new birth, another transformation choreographed by our God who doesn't like to leave us how we are or where we're at, but continues to challenge and stretch and beckon us to come even closer and experience more of His Kingdom instead of our own…

   Pray for Kim tomorrow around noon when he has the next surgery.  As always, thank you for your prayers and your emails and texts and FB messages of encouragement.  I really do feel like we have a large community carrying us through this craziness.

May the adventure continue…(and then take a little breather!)  Lol!

~Sally

Caught Off Guard

  Today has been up and down - in other words, normal.  The day started with Kim calling and telling me that the ICU doc told him he'd be in the ICU for the weekend.  Booo.  I know it was discouraging for Kim even more.  Then I had a call from Sarah and she said that a friend of ours in Grand Junction has offered to buy her a plane ticket here so she can come be with her dad and me.  What a huge blessing!  So the ticket is bought and she'll be here tomorrow night around 7.  I can't even begin to say what a big deal that is.  Friends and church folks are absolutely wonderful, but there's nothing like your own family to be with you in times like this.  I am so very very grateful.
  I had to do some business this morning… balance the checkbook, see where the money is at, pay some bills, get a hold on things.  Thankfully we're good financially and have no worries at this point.  (We haven't seen his hospital bill yet…ha ha!!)
  I finally got everything done and went to Qdoba to pick us up some lunch.  I thought it might be nice to have a little "taste of home" for Kim.  He loves the Mexican gumbo so I got him a small bowl.
  As I walked into the main floor of the hospital something caught me by surprise….music.  It really caught me off guard.  I got a lump in my throat and my eyes welled up.  I looked over and there were three teenage girls on a fiddle, mandolin, and string bass playing some awesome bluegrassy fun music.  I gave a grin through my tears, wanting to stay and listen more but knowing that Kim had been waiting all morning, I went to the elevators.  All I could think was - these girls have no idea how much of an impact they make, providing that little window of normal in this not-so-normal place.
  It makes me think now how I have underestimated the value of my own music before, and then had people tell me how wonderful it was for me to bring my guitar with me on a visit to their home or the hospital/care center.  Nothing over the top, just a couple sweet songs about Jesus.  These little things that God gives us to bring others joy…  We so often forget them or think that there are only "certain" places that are the appropriate places for us to offer them.  I'm learning otherwise.  We get all caught up in what people might think about us (like we're being prideful or something), when in actuality the majority of folks find blessing in it.
  I will be encouraging folks even more now to use whatever you've been given to bring joy and healing and a smile to others.  It might not be something like music.  It might be handyman skills that you can use to fix some little thing that's been bugging someone.  It might be cleaning or organizing gifts that you can use to spruce up someone's house or organize a pantry or linen/bathroom closet.  (I did that once for someone - after they got over the pride thing about having a dirty house - and they were thrilled.)  Maybe it's taking care of a beloved pet, watering plants or yard, reading to someone, getting and going through their mail and/or helping with their bills..  Or like my friend Nada, providing a place of refuge and a glass of wine with some laughter to forget the craziness of what's going on.  The list is endless, but you get the idea.
  The folks in the ICU now tell us that a regular room is in the process of being lined up and cleaned for Kim, and he should hopefully be moving into it sometime this afternoon.  Thank you, Jesus.
  He knows our needs way before we do and provides at exactly the right time.  I am no longer surprised by His provision in our life, simply grateful and at peace.
  I haven't been worried or anxious during this time here at the hospital.  The seriousness of the chest tube certainly caught me off guard, but I really do trust that God has everything in hand - even if it seems things are going badly.  I trust He will use this time - I know that He already has in so many ways - to grow both of us, closer to Him and closer to each other.  I pray that in sharing the journey it can open others' eyes to the awesome love, strength, and provision that God promises and offers each of us.
  We're not done yet, but the light is bright at the end of the tunnel.  So I'll keep pointing to it for Kim until he can see it on his own as brightly as I can.  The grace and peace of Jesus are mine.

Thanks be to God.

~Sally

Hospital Layover - part 2

  After that last blog I just had to update…
  I didn't fall asleep until around 4am this morning.  I took three chairs in the waiting room, the middle one didn't have arms, and put them in a line so I could lay down.  I woke up around 7:45 hearing the same woman I went to sleep hearing…  Her husband had been brought in last night after having a massive stroke.  She had been on the phone most of the night.
  She apologized for waking me if she did, and asked if it was my husband in the ICU.  I told her yes and just a little of our situation.  She said yes, hers was too and told me the story of calling her husband during a break at bingo and getting no answer, calling a sister-in-law who went over and found her husband Terry on the floor.  They're telling the woman, Pat, that if her husband survives it will be years of recovery, if there is much to be had.
  I sat there thinking, this is who I was praying for last night…the one who doesn't have anyone.  She has three grown kids who are at jobs that they can't leave unless they want to lose them.  So I asked if I could pray for her.
  She came over and I told her I was a pastor and she said her husband is a pastor as well.  So through tears I prayed for Pat and her husband Terry as we held hands, praying very honestly how scary it is to pray prayers that we don't know will be answered with a "yes" or not…but we still come to God knowing that we won't be left to ourselves - even if no other human is there.
  O God, continue to comfort and guide Pat as she faces some very difficult days, with or without her dear husband.  Thank You that I have been blessed with even one more day with my own dear Kim, each day a new gift from You.

Use well this day you've been given.

~Sally