Christmas 2022

 Christmas 2022

It’s been quite a few years since I’ve written a Christmas letter, but it seems like it’s time.  Much has transpired in the last few years and I finally feel like I can see it all with clearer eyes and a contented heart, which is such a gift to have been given.

Our year of 2022 began with Kim still recovering from the fall he had in December, 2021 that broke his left femur (to give him matching hardware on both sides). He did more PT at home throughout January/February ending with illness that turned into Covid and pneumonia.  Thankfully, though he was down for a couple of weeks, he didn’t ever get the horrible respiratory struggles.  March brought another scare as the doc had seen concerning shadows on Kim’s lungs when he had pneumonia so he had a biopsy on them.  Thankfully again, all was benign.

In the meantime, I flew off to FL in January with Ellen for a week to see Lee, mom and dad.  We had so much fun together and it was rejuvenating for me to get away.  Anyone who has been a caregiver understands the need to step away every so often and I’m so thankful for friends and family who readily step in to help so I can and Kim who encourages me to go.

As spring progressed Kim got better and better.  My grant-funded position at RMHP/United Healthcare was coming to an end and thankfully my superiors helped fit me into a newly created position with another grant-funded state pilot program that provides intensive in home therapy to children and youth to help prevent them from having to go into higher levels of behavioral health care.  I provide care coordination/case management.  It’s heartbreaking to learn the stories of these children and their families and the daily struggles, stigmas and barriers they face.  I have a deepened respect for families dealing with a child with mental illness.  It’s a rough rode and can be so very lonely and isolating for those families.  I’m thankful I’m a part of the team to help these families connect with needed services and community supports that can help them.

On the home front Kim and I haven’t felt called to return to church to worship. We stayed away during Covid and for reasons that are still hard to totally pin down we haven’t been drawn back.  We did however know that something was still missing in our worship, and that something was the body of Christ.  Community.  So we invited three other couples we knew who were also not feeling called to go back to the larger church and we started a micro church or home church.  We meet on Sunday evenings twice a month and include music (with me leading on guitar), prayers of confession and for thanksgiving as well as concerns, multiple scripture readings and discussion (and sometimes a message that I’ve pieced together or that someone else wrote - many times it’s been Nadia Bolz-Weber’s writing - a wonderful progressive Lutheran pastor), and communion.  It’s an intimate, beautiful time coming together in worship.  We’ve expanded with a couple more people and hope to continue to slowly grow.

We started out sharing the preparation somewhat, but the more we’ve gone on the more it has fallen to me which was not my intent but I do love it. Deciding on the scripture verses, music and message, writing the prayers.  It all fills my soul and answers a question I’ve been asking the Lord the last few years…. What am I supposed to be doing with all the preparation and call to ministry that you placed on my life?  God has shown me through my friends that my meager preparations for our worship times is a gift for them, and for me it has been a gift to realize that I still have something that I can do for others and not just be on the receiving end all the time.  I’ve also seen God use me and my pastoral care in my workplace both with colleagues and clients and their families.  It’s been such an affirming gift to have my eyes opened to see how God is using me.

My eyesight, however, has gone in a different direction as it continues to deteriorate.  In January I was tested and found to be legally blind.  I’ve learned that familiarity is my friend, so as I’ve become such a big walker since I quit driving I tend to stick with familiar routes.  I walk to City Market often, around Lincoln Park and a number of places in our close vicinity.  This summer I bought a punchcard to the pool and eventually started swimming laps (and not just sunning and cooling off in the pool).  I found that having a regular dose of sunshine and exercise not only did my body good but it brought about so much gratitude and true joy and contentment.  As the weather and daylight changed I could not longer walk in the early morning before work or go to Lincoln Park Pool, so I bought a pass at the CMU rec center and try to swim 3x/week.  I’m pretty steady at 1000 yards which takes around 30 minutes.  I switch back and forth each lap doing either freestyle or breast stroke.  So far I’ve gone down a size in my pants and I feel pretty darn good.  I have to admit though, it’s tough getting out the door on Tuesday evenings to go swim when it’s 30 degrees out!  So thankful to Sean who takes me on Tuesday nights after his long day of teaching and wrestling practice.

Kim and I flew to Harrisburg, PA in late Sept. to visit Sarah, Anthony and the three boys - Rilo (13), Rocco (6) and Vito (3).  They’re all amazing.  It was an awesome visit and it was so good for Kim to realize that he can once again get out and about - being driven around, going out to dinner or lunch, seeing the sights.  It was a big boost of confidence for Kim and he came back a more engaged and confident person than when we left.  So thankful.

Kim still has his struggles, particularly this time of year with so many storm systems coming through.  It seems to stir things up, and his ataxia symptoms sometimes just go into overdrive.  His vision can get really bad with his eyes getting really jittery, his balance worsens and his speech and swallowing worsen as well.  Spinocerebellar ataxia.  Who knew it was a thing?  Just like I didn’t know low vision was a thing until I had it.

Sean and Megan are both a huge presence in our lives, usually eating dinner with us at least a couple times a week if not more.  They make themselves available if we need rides or something picked up, and invite us to go out and go to events, etc.. We try not to burden them excessively, but we know that we are a constant thing in their lives that they always consider.  Not what they counted on, at least this early in their lives I’m sure, but we try to utilize all of our supports and not just the kids so as not to over-burden them. It’s hard to not feel like an unwanted weight on their lives, but we try to turn that guilt into gratitude.  We’re so aware that many don’t have the huge safety net that we have with our many friends and family.

Other highlights of our year were Lee and Ron visiting this July as they made their annual trek to their timeshare in Vail.  Ellen and I were able to join them a couple days in Vail and then they came to GJ and helped Kim and I celebrate our 40th anniversary with a big party at the house. It was an awesome time with so many good friends who added to the festivities.  Sean and Megan were in France doing their annual month-long vacation/rejuvenation before school starts back up, and the Saturno’s weren’t able to make it out either so we were especially thankful that Lee and Ron were here.  We’re happy that July has become their annual trip to CO!  

2022 has been the year that both Kim and I have begun coming out of the fog of grief and transition from my loss of vision and driving, Kim’s diagnoses and progressive symptoms as well as all that Covid brought (although truthfully for us Covid didn’t change a lot of things).  We’re both in a better place both spiritually as well as mentally/emotionally AND physically.  Thanks be to God that he doesn’t ever leave us in one place and never leaves us (even if we can’t always see or feel his presence).  We’re settling in to what is our new normal, as it continues to evolve, and we’re getting better at leaning on God’s strength instead of our own as well as asking for help from people who want to give it. We’re still learning and growing, but God’s presence is palpable and obvious and for that we are ever so grateful.  We’re learning to live more in this day, in this moment, and while we can still plan and get excited for the future - right now is where life is happening so we’re trying to live it now…and that’s a good place to be.

We’re looking to trips in the next year:  I’m going to FL in early Feb. with Ellen and to Italy with Sean, Megan, Megan’s dad Mark and partner Marie along with a bunch of other adults and students from Megan’s school in March.  While we’re gone Kim and his sister Lois are flying to PA and will visit the Saturno clan.  We’re excited for our trips and thankful to have the means to take them.

Well that’s our year.  HUGE changes from the beginning of the year to the end of it. Kim is doing SO much better, despite still having many challenging days, but he’s getting better at pushing through and realizing that connecting with other people helps him mentally to cope. We’re learning to really pursue those things and people who help make our lives better.  What a concept!  

Thank you to so many of you, our family and friends, who have helped carry us through the difficult times with prayers and kindness, with meals and Door Dash gift cards, with rides and wine and emails and messages of encouragement.  You have also celebrated with us and spent time with us simply doing life and making it much richer by your love and presence.  May God bless you richly for the love and care you have shown and continue to show us.  It’s our prayer that with whatever 2023 brings, God will continue to show us the blessing and joy of the moments we are in, gratitude for the moments that have passed, and hopeful confidence for the moments yet to come.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Sally & Kim (and Zoe)