Back at it..

Our Christmas break in Colorado was just what the doctor ordered! Wonderful time spent with Sarah, Rob and Rilo in Denver, and then Sean and Megan joined us Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It was all this mother could ask for.
After a drive (not a train ride) over the mountains, we went to church on the 27th where we saw many of our friends, the preschoolers gathered just so they could see "Mr. Kim," and we had many an evening with family playing games and lunches and dinners with other close friends. A trip to remember for sure.
We returned to Denver too late to see our sweet Rilo awake so I laid down with him on Sarah and Rob's bed and shed a few tears as he held my hand in his sleep and I felt every little shoulder, elbow, heel and toe. It was really hard to leave that evening and fly home the next day.
We returned home to weather twenty degrees warmer than Colorado's, but I flaunted it a bit too soon and the next day we were right there down in the teen's with the rest of the world...freezing! It really hasn't warmed up or stopped the light yet constant snowing since New Year's Day!
The first day (today) back at school was rough. The last few days we've both been kind of depressed. I think the reality that we probably won't see our family for quite a while has been sinking in - and the constant grey skies don't help.
Tonight at my women's prayer group we talked about what we did over the break, and then talked about what 2009 had been for us and what we see or hope 2010 will hold. I shared how '09 had been a year of God's provision - selling our rental home, getting all my financial aide, selling the orchard, getting our house here... God went above and beyond our expectations once again.
I also shared about how Rilo's arrival surprised us all by how he totally rocked our world. I said how I have felt since Rilo came that I've been able to be the mother to Sarah that she needs me to be - something that many times I wasn't able to be for her growing up. Our relationship was very close before Rilo came, but has been even closer since and it's a sweet, sweet thing.
As I shared this I also acknowledged that some of my thoughts the last few days have been about the time that I'm missing with our kids and with Rilo since we are here, so far away from them...and I have asked myself, "Is it worth that high price?" I know that God has called me here, but I'm missing SO much in their lives, in Rilo's life. I kills me. It brings me to tears every time I think about it.
My wonderful friends listened as I cried through my torment and pain. What can one do? It's an amazing thing to love people so much that you want to be close to them all the time...and Sarah and I didn't have that for a long time, so it makes this time of deep love between us even sweeter.
I'm thinking that Jesus had more in mind than just persecution when he talked about suffering for the faith, for following Him.
My sweet women-folk went on to encourage me and tell me what an encouragement I am to them, which made me at least see and remember that there is so much more going on here than just school - thank God. I LOVE MY WOMEN! The one's here, the one's in GJ, and the one's who are now spread out all over the country. They bless me so much and remind me that it's ok to FEEL. It's ok to let those emotions burst forth and get messy all over me. They remind me that it's ok to feel sad sometimes. And somehow, in all their loving, they remind me to go home and love Kim even more...so that's what I did. I came home and made him dinner and spent time with him instead of running right up to start reading...and amazingly I still got my reading done!
So I think there's hope. I'm still a little sad, but on the phone tonight with Sarah I told her about my conversation with my friends and she agreed with me that our love is so strong and that I have been a huge help to her this year and she has loved it. Then I got to talk with Rilo on the phone, and all was right with the world.
The verse that God pursued me with today was from Romans 13:8, "Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another." My prayer the last three days (from a devotional that Kim got for us) has been "Lord, this week show me how to love." I think He is.
Feeling particularly blessed,
~Sally