Looking back...

Hello Friends,
Yes, I know, it's been WAY too long! I haven't written at all about CPE this summer... Maybe I'll have to copy a letter I sent to some friends that tells about it because it was definitely life-changing.

I'm sitting here in the library and I was doing a bunch of reading for a paper I have to write on C.S. Lewis and something I read must have triggered a thought because before I knew it I wasn't reading at all and I was thinking about how much I've changed and grown since we came here.

In particular I was thinking about worship. You know back home in Colorado I was really spoiled. We had (and still have) a wonderful contemporary service, awesome preaching, very comfortable (should've been my first clue). When we moved here we weren't given a lot of choices as far as worship style went. Sure, we attended Eastminster Pres. for a bit, and they're truthfully the only church I have seen pull off a blended service WELL...but then I had field education at the two churches, and chapel, and there really wasn't a choice to attend the style of worship that I had been accustomed to. This brought about a lot of thought, some frustration, and ultimately transformation.

There are A LOT of Presbyterian churches in Pittsburgh. When they say there's a church on every corner, they're really not joking! There are lots of churches, and the majority of them are quite small - under 100 members. So the only one's you'll find with any kind of contemporary worship are the new church developments. So these last couple of years have been an exercise in "finding God in tradition."

This has been a stretch for me, I must admit. After so many years of fighting and persevering to get our contemporary worship service at home, and get it to a high quality, it was really hard to be "stuck" going to only traditional services. Even our chapel services last year all seemed to go traditional or, the one that was supposed to be contemporary was more "contemplative."

I found that over the last year or so I've really had to focus on God a lot more in worship (I know, right? What a concept!) I had become really dependent, I think, on my emotions getting me to a place of worship. The music, of course, played a big part in that, but also I think the casual nature, even the language of "contemporary" helped me. So this last year was an exercise in finding God in the liturgy, finding God in the hymns, and finding God in the structure, the language, and tradition.

I have to say that this was done reluctantly and sometimes without much joy or praise...but over time, I began to see God, to hear Him, and to experience His presence in ways that I can't really put my finger on - but ways that were different. Maybe it was just a matter of using more intellect than emotion. Maybe it was more balanced between the two. Maybe it's because I was simply being intentional about things... I don't know. But I've found a new appreciation.

I think it might have to do with history. As people would lead chapel and read prayers or liturgies that were written hundreds, yes hundredS of years ago, there was something awe-some about saying something that believers before us had read and believed throughout the ages.

I have a new appreciation for the traditions that have come before us. It doesn't mean that I prefer to have it all in worship every Sunday...but I can see myself incorporating a prayer, a confession, or a hymn in one of my contemporary services someday. I hope, too, that'll I'll be able to communicate, to relate - especially to young people (I keep thinking of my niece Sammy as I write this), the history, the richness, the perseverance of the saints throughout the years adequately. The Christian faith as we know it didn't just appear. The Holy Spirit has moved in people through the ages and we have wonderful writings and songs and art and story to remember their point in history when God moved and made an impact. I think it's important...and I'm surprised. I'm changed...and I'm glad.

The peace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you.
~Sally