Hospital Layover

  This is the last place I expected to find myself - scrunched up on a "couch" that's the length of two seats with nice, hard, metal armrests at either end, my feet sticking through the end of my far armrest into the next couch's armrest so I can stretch out my legs.  It's 1:09am and my husband Kim is laying in the ICU having had a chest tube put in because he had a collapsed lung.
  We came here early Monday morning so Kim could have surgery on his back for two compressed vertebrae that were going to be separated and new disc material put in and everything screwed back together.  The surgery went well and the doc said his back looks good.  It was a long day, and when I left at 6:30pm Monday night to go stay at a friend's house he was in a lot of pain and they were trying to get it under control…  I felt bad leaving, but if I didn't I'd have to stay the night because I can't drive in the dark.
  The next day Kim was a lot better up and walking around, still trying to get all the plumbing to start working again, but overall feeling pretty good.  We were hoping things would get going so that we'd be able to leave for home today - as home is two hours away.
  When I came back this morning he wasn't doing so hot.  Even though he was able to go a little the night before, they had ended up having to put a catheter in.  That was helping (as his whole body had begun to retain a lot of fluid), but he was still really uncomfortable in his gut and was nauseous.  We went from bad to worse - enema, meds, throwing up, back pain, oxygen levels lower than they should be, and then - after feeling a bit better and trying to take a little walk around the hall, his heart went into afib.  The next thing we new the room was full of nurses and doctors and EKG people and chest X-rays and blood work are being ordered.
  They eventually got some meds in him that got his heartbeat normal and steady again, and Kim was finally getting some rest when the phone rang and it was the doc that had been in this afternoon.  She got his bloodwork and chest X-ray back and saw that his right lung in the X-ray was totally collapsed. (Explains the low oxygen levels!)
  Earlier around dinner time I had decided to stay at the hospital tonight and just sleep in the chair in his room that pulls out into a bed…but now they were carting Kim off to the ICU to put the chest tube in, drain off the fluid, and inflate his lung.  Wait, wait…..wait…what??????
  I sat in the ICU waiting room for a while all our stuff piled on a chair, texting family and church members, calling the kids, acting calm…but I wasn't calm.  My friend Nada who I'd been staying with offered to come over, and I told her she didn't need to do that, she works in the morning…but she said she'd be happy to, and so I welcomed the company…and the chocolate bar she brought me.
  It's odd being on the "other" end of pastoral care.  So many times I've wondered if people really wanted me to come and sit with them or not….  I know there were times in the last days when I was really thankful that no one else was with me/us.  But this evening was different.  When I was talking with that doctor on the phone I could feel the tears welling up and I was trying not to be upset so I could explain to Kim what was going to go down fairly quickly.  I was freaking out a little bit and just wanted to go off and cry with someone somewhere and be hugged but I kind of had to be present so I couldn't.  Sometimes I hate being the strong one.
  You know it's funny.  I'm always one that poo-poo's off various maladies as being not too serious (poor Kim).  I don't know if it's the eternal optimist in me or what, but I'm just always sure that things aren't as serious as they are….and I think tonight that kind of caught up with me (and bit me in the ass).  Nothing like being proven wrong to bring about a bit of well-deserved humility.
  When I last saw Kim he was all snuggled up in blankets, his chest tube was in, he wasn't in pain (in a morphine euphoria), and he was ready to nod off into la-la land.
  That brings me to where I am currently, in an tiny little waiting room with horrible seats, no room to lay down, a nice bright Pepsi machine staring me in the face.  Poor me.  Amazing how we keep circling back to ourselves...

  Tomorrow will be a new day though, and there is much to be thankful for.

• Great medicine and doctors and nurses who do a thorough job and don't assume they know everything.  
• Wonderful people who reach out via social media, via text messages and phone calls, and in a variety of ways let you know that you're not alone and that you're surrounded in prayer.  
• An awesome church family who - 
• before we left came to our house and laid hands on Kim and prayed for him, 
• gathered after their bowling this morning and prayed for us both, 
• gathered tonight for their regular bible study and prayed for us some more, 
• continued to email, text and call letting us know of their love, concern, and on-going prayers for us both,
• and have made sure I know that whatever needs to be prepared for Sunday service to happen will be taken care of and I don't need to worry about any of it.

  We are blessed beyond belief, and God is in our midst.  I don't know when we'll actually end up heading back home - the last they said was a couple of days.  Whenever it is…I know we're ok, and we will be ok.  God has surrounded us with so many people who love and care for us it's hard to even fathom.  My prayer this night, as I've had an hour now to contemplate all this, is to pray for those who don't have the wonderful support that we do.  Who, despite being surrounded by many people may feel totally alone and without hope.

  O God, help me to never forget this time, and to reach out with the love of Jesus to people in their times of need - whether they realize they need it or not.  The ministry of presence is what God showed us in Jesus Christ, God with us.  No words necessary.  No special scriptures read.  Just show up.

  Thanks, Nada, for just showing up tonight and being present with me.  You were Jesus for me tonight.

~Sally